When Your Child is on Drugs and Your Marriage is Falling Apart Reach out and Never Give up
Posted: Saturday, October 03, 2009
by Teresa Ortiz
Freelance writer/Speaker
I wasn't sure why that particular Sunday was different than all the others, but for some reason my eyes drifted to the back corner of the sanctuary and my feet followed suit. It seems weird to sit this far back, I thought. Truth be told, I walked in feeling a tad sorry for myself because I was missing my husband and didn't want to bump into anyone I knew – ha! That's what I get for thinking when I'm not used to it... The music played softly; my eyes drifted across the sea of people; blended faces as my thoughts were afar off – and then I saw her. She was off to my right, a few rows behind me.
Without hesitation, I picked up my belongings and raced to the empty seat next to her. It had been two years since we had seen each other last. We exchanged a quick and quiet hello, and then she asked me to scoot down one because Bill was going to be in shortly. A warmth came over me and I chuckled to myself as I realized the real reason my feet carried me to the back of the sanctuary. I hadn't finished my thought when Bill walked in to the Isle and stood next to Paula. My heart sighed and the tears welled up in my eyes as I heard each of them singing with hearts of gratitude to our Lord.
You are the air I breathe, You are the love I need and I would lay down my life…
That was it for me; I could hardly sing as the joyful tears took me back two years to a time when things looked a lot different.
~~~~~
"Who is it?" I asked while unlocking the door. "It's Paula".
Her eyes were swollen for all the tears she had obviously shed. "It's Charlene, I need your help." She said as she pushed past me. "I'll be back; I'm going to Paula's". With that, we headed back to her place.
She poured out her heart as thoughts came to her in sporadic fashion, giving me details of what had been going on for the previous six months. My mind was a whirlwind as I listened and tried to piece together the actual order of events that led her to reach out. By the end of the evening, two details were all that mattered. Charlene, her 15 yr. old daughter had a serious drug problem, and Bill had left her because he couldn't cope. By the evenings end I had no words of wisdom, but committed to meet with her daily to study and pray, as this was her only request.
I prayed for strength to be her hope when she had none, I prayed for a mighty miracle of deliverance for Charlene and I prayed for God to convict Bill's heart – Lord Jesus, fill his heart with conviction for running out on his family in a time of trial. Where ever he is, whatever he is doing right this moment; let him see your face and hear your voice, bring him home – don't let him run.
This was our daily routine for months. She grew stronger in her faith – I grew stronger in faith. For a while, the situation continued to worsen. Charlene began to steal and was caught with drugs, causing her to spend time in the Juvenile detention center. Bill asked for a divorce and told her she had to move out of his house. Rightfully, she was discouraged. "Please Lord", I would continue to pray while I was away from her.
Paula had grown to rely on God and along with the classes she was taking, became confident and ready to face her future without her husband. Then three months later without warning, Bill came home. He fell to his knees before her and asked for forgiveness. He said it was as if God were following him wherever he went and he couldn't escape the heaviness that began to fill his heart not too long before this. With that, I took my queue and quietly stepped away.
About a month after Bill had gone home, he came over to my house wanting to speak to Art and me. It was apparent that he was a different man; humbled and scared yet confident and ready to face the battle for his stepdaughter's life with his wife. They began counseling with their pastor and behavior therapists, and took parenting classes on how to cope with and help their children overcome addiction.
The road to recovery was not easy and there were many hurdles still to overcome, but God was working a miracle. We had moved out of the neighborhood and we lost contact – I'm not sure why, but we did – and then just about a year ago, I saw Charlene. She looked amazingly healthy and happy. She was working, which meant she was drug-free. When graduation day came this past June, she walked down the isle with pride. As far as I knew, Bill and Paula were still doing great and in the audience somewhere, but I hadn't seen them together.
~~~~~
Savior, He can move a mountain, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save…
I was jolted back to the now, when Bill's deep voice reached my ears with the singing of these powerful words. I don't think it was a coincidence that the title of the pastor's message that day was "Pity Parties: How to Avoid Them."
During the time Paula and I met, we talked about why it is so difficult for us to ask for help. We don't want to be embarrassed or for people to know the real us. We want people to think we have it all together. But the truth is, keeping to ourselves only causes more heartbreak while reducing the chance of real change and victory in any given situation. The fact is we have been created to need each other.
The road to recovery takes heart, discipline, faith, and never giving up. It doesn't necessarily take all parties involved. In this case, and with others I have counseled with, it started with just one willing person who reached out for help and was willing to bear the burden and initiate all the hard work for the entire family. God did the rest.
Admittingly, there are some cases where the spouse does not come home, but your efforts will not be in vain because you will have the strength and support to help your child. The following sites are a great place to start in getting the help you need.
http://teenchallengeusa.com/
http://www.projectknow.com/drug-addiction/counseling-for-parents-with-kids-on-drugs.html
** This story has been shared at the request of Bill and Paula **
You are the air I breathe, You are the love I need and I would lay down my life…
That was it for me; I could hardly sing as the joyful tears took me back two years to a time when things looked a lot different.
~~~~~
"Who is it?" I asked while unlocking the door. "It's Paula".
Her eyes were swollen for all the tears she had obviously shed. "It's Charlene, I need your help." She said as she pushed past me. "I'll be back; I'm going to Paula's". With that, we headed back to her place.
She poured out her heart as thoughts came to her in sporadic fashion, giving me details of what had been going on for the previous six months. My mind was a whirlwind as I listened and tried to piece together the actual order of events that led her to reach out. By the end of the evening, two details were all that mattered. Charlene, her 15 yr. old daughter had a serious drug problem, and Bill had left her because he couldn't cope. By the evenings end I had no words of wisdom, but committed to meet with her daily to study and pray, as this was her only request.
I prayed for strength to be her hope when she had none, I prayed for a mighty miracle of deliverance for Charlene and I prayed for God to convict Bill's heart – Lord Jesus, fill his heart with conviction for running out on his family in a time of trial. Where ever he is, whatever he is doing right this moment; let him see your face and hear your voice, bring him home – don't let him run.
This was our daily routine for months. She grew stronger in her faith – I grew stronger in faith. For a while, the situation continued to worsen. Charlene began to steal and was caught with drugs, causing her to spend time in the Juvenile detention center. Bill asked for a divorce and told her she had to move out of his house. Rightfully, she was discouraged. "Please Lord", I would continue to pray while I was away from her.
Paula had grown to rely on God and along with the classes she was taking, became confident and ready to face her future without her husband. Then three months later without warning, Bill came home. He fell to his knees before her and asked for forgiveness. He said it was as if God were following him wherever he went and he couldn't escape the heaviness that began to fill his heart not too long before this. With that, I took my queue and quietly stepped away.
About a month after Bill had gone home, he came over to my house wanting to speak to Art and me. It was apparent that he was a different man; humbled and scared yet confident and ready to face the battle for his stepdaughter's life with his wife. They began counseling with their pastor and behavior therapists, and took parenting classes on how to cope with and help their children overcome addiction.
The road to recovery was not easy and there were many hurdles still to overcome, but God was working a miracle. We had moved out of the neighborhood and we lost contact – I'm not sure why, but we did – and then just about a year ago, I saw Charlene. She looked amazingly healthy and happy. She was working, which meant she was drug-free. When graduation day came this past June, she walked down the isle with pride. As far as I knew, Bill and Paula were still doing great and in the audience somewhere, but I hadn't seen them together.
~~~~~
Savior, He can move a mountain, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save…
I was jolted back to the now, when Bill's deep voice reached my ears with the singing of these powerful words. I don't think it was a coincidence that the title of the pastor's message that day was "Pity Parties: How to Avoid Them."
During the time Paula and I met, we talked about why it is so difficult for us to ask for help. We don't want to be embarrassed or for people to know the real us. We want people to think we have it all together. But the truth is, keeping to ourselves only causes more heartbreak while reducing the chance of real change and victory in any given situation. The fact is we have been created to need each other.
The road to recovery takes heart, discipline, faith, and never giving up. It doesn't necessarily take all parties involved. In this case, and with others I have counseled with, it started with just one willing person who reached out for help and was willing to bear the burden and initiate all the hard work for the entire family. God did the rest.
Admittingly, there are some cases where the spouse does not come home, but your efforts will not be in vain because you will have the strength and support to help your child. The following sites are a great place to start in getting the help you need.
http://teenchallengeusa.com/
http://www.projectknow.com/drug-addiction/counseling-for-parents-with-kids-on-drugs.html
** This story has been shared at the request of Bill and Paula **
This Article has been viewed 1,307 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsTeresa, thanks for sharing this article. To recover does take heart and a willingness for the individual to want to change. Thanks for a good article. The sad thing about drugs is that it takes drugs to get you off drugs. If you make it then education.Hey Rev, so true, sometimes it takes drugs to get off drugs and there are sadly, many times when the outcome is traggic, but there is always hope when people step up instead of retreating. Blessings to you and yours! T
Readers Club and this one is shining still! I am not sure how people make it without the Lord's faithfulness and direction. I made a pretty big mess of things before Jesus for sure! MarijoI hear you! I am grateful he gave me ears to hear and eyes to see :-)
Amazing story, Teresa. This would be a very hard thing to walk through. I am thankful that no one has to go it alone.Hi Lorrie, I agree. Charlene is Justin's age, and I was very well aware of the fact, that it could have easily been my child. Tempation is great, and we never know what makes one child go that direction when they are raised with the same love and family values as another. Nobody is ammuned. Thank God for his grace that strengthens us to move forward.
Prayer is the one most important connection that we have to the divine,as we are spiritual ,not just physical beings and when we pray fervently and repeatedly,we"oil"that connection,removing any rust, and true miracles can happen.In my humble opinion,a miracle,defined,is anything that increases your faith in an all loving God,and this story ending was a miracle of faith and prayer,more proof that God is listening.You are an inspirational writer and more,have been witness to miracles.thank you for the kind comment Paul, yes, it was a miracle and many little ones along the way. Miracles are not always flashy. The same God who parted the waters, is the same God who restores a family. Personally it's the daily miracles that tug at the heart the most. Again, thanks for the kind words."parted the waters?!"sigh;I hope that you're referring to the Water's marriage ,which DIDNT work out, also by divine design,not referring to that BOOK,again.To my mind,there MUST be a different approach for such a pious person as you,another way, for you to reach the one true God ,(who is ALWAYS all-loving,)as anyone who blindly accepts and worse, propulgates that BOOK'S version of God , as A God who is truly "vengeful,jealous,vindictive,angry,and wrathful" is as chock full of wild blueberry muffins as were the original primitive authors of that book,5000 years ago.It was merely primitive man's honest,but abjectly silly attempt, to interpret God by giving God HUMAN feelings;sigh. You are so goodnatured and so full of raw goodness,towards others,that it breaks my heart when you have no other way to relate to God except to "thump"that God-awful "BOOK"(Mind you,not all of the "BOOK" is wrong,as it call us to full attention about loving God back,as He loves us,and to not ever be "jealous,vengeful,wrathful",towards HIM.(E.G.If a very young child is run down by a car and killed,,thats in his and our "blueprints", that we set up,beforehand,in Heaven.;we cannot blame God)...PaulCouldn't leave it alone could you Paul :-) I am not a bible thumper, a bible thumber shoves the bible down people's throat, I don't do that. I share just like you share about your aliens. I could call you an "alien thumper" for you share with the same passion as I do. The great thing about articles is that no one is forced to read them. So by nature of an article, there is no force feeding. One can easily exit out of the article if they do not like the content.It is your opinion that it is a god-aweful book, not everyone shares that opinion. I am not trying to convince you it's not, why do you try so hard to convince me it is? Who is the thumper by your own definition? I seek for peace between us, but I am coming to believe it is just not possible. You compliment and ridicule me at the same time. It's okay, it is your right, but why? If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. Teresa
I'm sorry and I apologize;I am incorrigible and an"alien thumper";I couldnt leave it alone,youre right.I would never,ever mean to ridicule you,but simply to do,here, what you would also try to do to ;to "elevate" others to a greater understanding about the truer nature of God,as I have personally learned it.Its not just you;I am on a mission,as are you,apparently, to attempt to elevate anyone who would negate or diminish or misinterpret God's eternal,infinite love,for us ,We,his children,contain His spark of the divine within us.I would negate ANY text that demeans His tactics or motives.I shall either avoid your writings totally or we shall make a "peace" and continue this dialogue,as you have never been other than kind to my bizarre writings about my personal experiences of high strangeness;paulI appreciate the apology - I much prefer peace and respectable conversations, it's what Searchwarp should be about. :-)
Dear Mrs Teresa,Thank you for your article and your time to join my fan club.I loved your article.While I am typing all that comes to my mind is "You are the air I breathe' You are the love I need and I Would lay down my life for you. In most cases fear of the unknown or secret feeds the fire that fans the flame to keep you captive of a mind altering spirit that keeps you in a stage of fear "false evidence appearing real".Thank God for the Truth and patience .This was a great formula fist thing to do was pray ,give her back to the Lord ,step out into faith and watch your prayer be answered.Reading
your story reminded me of my youth as a child holding on to all types of lies deceit alcohol and drug activity. Philippines 3:12,13 is "I know what it is to be in need,and I know what it is to have plenty of.I learned the secrets being content in any an every situation, whether living in plenty or in want,13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Blessing toward Charlene an your whole Family. Robert Wright !Hi Robert. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. I am so glad to hear you are no longer bound by those things as well. Phil. 3:12-13 has carried me a long way too! Again, thanks for the kind comment. Many blessings to you too! Teresa
I hate my job, can any one here tell me how i can find a job that i like ?
Greetings Teresa -This story is another testament of the love and power of Almighty GOD. Thank you for the opportunity to know about this family victory wrought by GOD.Another commenter, kenny, stated, "A person doesn't need GOD to have or recover from one of these experiences." How wrong kenny is about what he believes. Every one needs GOD to even breathe - air that is GOD's! People exist without GOD but no one LIVES without GOD. May the Lord visit kenny and prove that the love of GOD is the greatest high. And may the love of GOD envelop kenny in ways that will blow his mind. Ain't nothing like the REAL THING - allegiance to the FORCE that is fully with those who are with HIM! Thank you, Lord.GOD be thanked that He loves everyone even those who do not love Him. How noble is that?!The awesome fragrance of GOD is incomparable, exhilarating, and exuberant. He is LIFE.Praise the Lord for healing that family and the many others that He helps.I sandra. I apologize for the delay in responding. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I haven't heard from Kenny in a long time. Amen to God's love!
WOW!!!!!! All I can say to this Teresa is, "Just say NO to Drugs!!!!!!" I'll leave it at that!! Stay strong in the Lord sista... as you know, "our adversary roams about, etc., etc!" You are a woman of Grace n Class!! All God's Best to you, Bill, Paula & Charlene... Always n for Eternity... ... ... ...Hi Cali, thanks for all your encouraging words and the time you are taking to read. Lod bless you - keep growing and sharing!. Blessings to you!
The article was real. I was introduce to you by looking up the meaning of prayer and supplication, What is the difference? You cleared it up for me and gave me revelation. Thank You Sister Teresa Ortiz.
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