When My Heart Caught up With My Mind (Who Knew)
Posted: Saturday, September 12, 2009
by Teresa Ortiz
Freelance writer/Speaker
My mind understands theology – my brain processes the information and my soul leads me to respond accordingly, but the very core of me – my heart, generally takes much longer to catch up with the others.
This past year has been an interesting year of challenge and change; it's not over by any means – I'm sure many of you can relate, and it's for this reason I share my heart with you today. Maybe it will encourage you and perhaps it will free me to finish all of my half-written stories and lessons that I have been working on for the past two weeks.
My husband has been home a total of 3 months off and on since November of last year – It's God's provision and blessing – my mind would say. We both have a few things to learn; "You are tough girl, you can handle it," I would say to myself. Who knew I was going to have to deal with frozen pipes that would burst and flood our home, who knew I would have to deal with a chimney fire, who knew I would have to deal with my son's shoulder injury, surgery, and recovery all by myself – who knew?
Who knew my husband would have to live out of his comfort zone – and I mean way out of his comfort zone – in a far away state in a little cold and stale hotel room. That would flood and the headboard would fall off the wall almost hitting him in the head, or that he would be locked out of his room several times – who knew?
Each time he came home, we would laugh and discuss the benefits of this temporary arrangement…. Then he would be gone again.
Who knew our son would step up and be the man of the house – never complaining that his dad missed it when he drove off alone for the first time after getting his license, or missing his 18th birthday and senior prom. Who knew?
Who knew our daughter would step up, include her mother in her fun time, and spend an evening or two or three at home instead of being out with all her friends? Who knew?
I stayed busy studying, teaching, and writing; reminding myself of all the good things that would come out of this in the end – never allowing myself to be real with the aching that was taking place in my heart – until a few months ago.
It seemed then, that I went to the other extreme, no studying, teaching, and only a little bit of writing. I stopped cleaning, cooking, and I spent a lot of time staring at the T.V. Fortunately, this didn't last too long. My children and my God snapped me out of this.
So where's the balance – Lord, where's the balance? "Have you not seen," His voice seems to whisper. "Your husband is growing, you are growing, and your children are growing." "You are being prepared and strengthened for what is coming next – there is blessing." "Yes, I know that in my head, and I have seen a few things, but the heart doesn't feel it". "Since when does "feeling" have to do with truth?" He whispers softly.
So went the ensuing months until two days ago when talking with my husband on the phone.
He has been staying with his parents these past few times and is there now.
"My dad is making my lunch everyday." "No way", I say. "Oh yeah!" and a big lunch it is; (3) sandwiches, (2) pieces of fruit, (2) kinds of cookies, chips, and a string cheese.
Wow is the only thing I can say. You need to know that this is a big deal. Growing up, he had no relationship with his father. His father was a great provider, but it stopped there – no endearments, only distance and at its worst, fighting. Not once to this day, has his father come to our home. You can imagine how reluctant he was to stay in his parents' home.
As we continued to talk, he told me how he and his dad have been talking -- a lot! They have even shopped together. His dad has opened up about the war – even brought out his two purple hearts to show him. I hear a softness in my husband's heart that I have never heard in the 28 years I have known him. I hear joy and gratefulness to God for this time. Time they would never have had if he didn't have to work out of state. Time they wouldn't have if I was there with him.
Alas! My heart sees what my mind was trying to tell me from the beginning. There was much to learn, much to see, much to appreciate.
I am rejoicing, I am back to studying, back to teaching, back to writing – with so much more insight.
'Who Knew' I would find the best people online...Teresa, with this: "My mind understands theology – my brain processes the information and my soul leads me to respond accordingly" ... you are making me feel like I'm looking in a mirror! whew.My prayers are with you as your husband travels like that, and I'm sure your son is filling in great.Stay BlessedThanks Ronyae! I appreciate your comment. Growing in wisdom and knowledge in the word of God is the only way to go :-)Amen to that, T!Amen and Amen :-)
Wow, T! Both you and Art with renewed relationships with your dads. God is good! Thanks for sharing your heart.Hi Lorrie! Thanks, yes it is an awesome thing which I trust God will use to encourage others that as long as we have breath it is never to late to allow God to build relationships.
Hi Teresa, wondering if you wrote this when you were living in AZ still and your hubby was traveling back & forth from CA when he hurt his ribs. A great article that suddenly made me realize something in my personal life that prepared me for the situation I am experiencing now where I am standing tall and living from moment to moment. I doubt if I would have been able to handle it had I not experienced so much stress of a past experience. I could never find a reason for the being in the past experience until reading your article ~ an Ah-ha moment. Thanks for sharing your Ah-ha moments. Blessings! SuzyHi Suzy, actually, I have never lived in Arizona. We live in Oregon, moved my son to Arizona last month, but Art has been working out of state/ Arizona and California for the past year. I know, I am just as confused :-) We are working on moving to CA but only God knows when that will be. For now he comes home on occasion then goes back. I am so glad this story encouraged you and help you to see the reason you went through some tough times in the past. What a blessing it is for me to hear. Thank you for sharing :-) Blessings to you! T
Your article brought tears to my eyes Teresa. Beautifully written. A great reminder for us, no matter how much pain or heartache we're dealing with, it's temporary, something good will follow. I for one am glad you've started writing again. :)Thanks for the great comment! I am glad I am writing again too :-) Lord bless you - you funny lady :-)
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. That is our hope and promise. Thanks for this compelling and heartwarming read. Blessings Sis!...and that is the verse I woke up to the morning after I wrote this. God is good. Thank you for reading and the great comment. Blessings right back to you!!!!
Hi Teresa,
I wasn't sure if you had moved or not. Gosh, I just loved this article. It really shows your strength and loving heart. God always knows what's best for us even when we don't. I love the song: The Weaver's Plan, it always puts things in prospective for me. You probably know it, but these are the words:
The Weaver's Plan
My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I may not choose the colors,
He knows what they should be.
For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side,
While I can see it only
On this, the under side.
Sometimes He weaves sorrow
Which seems strange to me
But I will trust His judgment,
And work on faithfully.
'Tis He who fills the shuttle,
He knows just what is best
So I shall weave in earnest
And leave with Him the rest.
At last, when life is ended,
with Him I shall abide,
Then I may view the pattern
Upon the upper side.
Then I shall know the reason
Why pain with joy entwined,
Was woven in the fabric
Of life that God designed.
Love and hugs,
CathyThank you Cathy. I do not know this song. But I love the lyrics. Bless you for sharing them! I believe it is true with all my heart. I have seen too much not to believe. Thanks again for the encouragement. Love you! Teresa
Readers Club move, here, but a very enjoyable read, Sis!works for me :-)
Nice, touching story, Teresa. You might consider cutting down on the use of en dashes - a bit overdone.And one sentence paragraphs, I'm not keen on them.Hi Leslie, thanks for reading and leaving a comment. I guess I did over do them a little. When I write a personal piece I tend to do this because it lays out my personal thoughts better. Some readers like it, they say it helps them catch the feeling for themselves, others it drives crazy :-) All in style preference. But you are right, could have taken a few out here. I learned early on from many professional writers that one sentence paragraphs can be easy of the eyes of on-line readers. I will keep this in mind as well. I appreciate your input. I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing skills and style. Blessings to you! Teresa
It's wonderful when we realize that he knows the plans he has for us. "For I know the plans I have for you"...unfortunately we all wish we would learn those plans a little sooner. I sometimes think it would make his job easier too. ha ha I doubt it.Hi Ryan, thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it and I love your last sentence. God does have a sense of humor :-) Blessings to you!
Great article! No matter what we are going through, God will use it for good. Thanks for your testimony to that.HI Jim, nice to meet you. I appreciate your reading and comment. I pray this will be an encouragement to others. Now I am off to read your work :-) Blessings to you! Teresa
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