Let your Yes be Yes and your No be No: a Great Motto to Live by
Posted: Sunday, May 31, 2009
by Teresa Ortiz
Freelance writer/Speaker
When was the last time our word was as good as gold? What happened to the days when a heart-felt, "You can count on me" and a handshake was a promise that could be expected and counted on?
As a credit manager, I talk to many people who give me good reason to be pessimistic and untrusting. Nevertheless, when it comes to our friends or family members shouldn't there be a confidence we can place in any given commitment any one of them make to us? Conversely, can any one of them count on us?
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. It's one thing to commit to do something for someone and then honestly forget or get held up by an unexpected circumstance, but another when we make a conscious decision to fail to follow through for whatever reason. With today's technology, we have the luxury of instant communication; whether it is email, texting, or simply hitting a speed dial button, there is no excuse for a no-show or last minute cancelation without a legitimate reason.
When our children hit the age where they were able to go out with friends, we spent a lot of time telling them to think before making a commitment. "Is this something you really want to do, or is it because there isn't a better offer? They were not allowed to change their minds because something better came along in the meantime. "A commitment is a commitment and your friends should be able to count on everything you say", we would say.
The same rule applied for sports. There was no quitting halfway through if they decided they didn't like it. We tried to get them to think about how they would feel if others bowed out, causing the team to fall short and having to forfeit.
I am sure we are not the only parents who did this. In fact, judging by the way that society used to do business; every parent did this.
Why then, as adults, do we throw this basic courtesy out the window perhaps it's because we have become selfish in our actions? Perhaps we make commitments because "there is nothing better to do".
Not too long ago, I actually caught myself doing this. A friend of mine invited me to the ballet class that was being held in the church gym. Art was out of town at the time, so I said, "sure, I have nothing better to do". A few days later, this came to mind and I realized how insensitive that was of me to say. As it turned out, I had a great time and I was looking forward to the next class. Still, it did not make what I did okay. "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no." This passage of Scripture rang loud and clear that night. We should never make half-hearted commitments no matter what. If our mind is saying I don't really want to, then this is what our lips should say as well.
It spares a lot of heartache later. Especially if we leave the other person/s hanging this tells them that they just aren't that important.
I'm writing this as a reminder to myself and hopefully to others who might do this without thinking how much they may be hurting someone.
Let our yes be yes and our no be no, it's a great motto to live by.
(C) Teresa Ortiz
As a credit manager, I talk to many people who give me good reason to be pessimistic and untrusting. Nevertheless, when it comes to our friends or family members shouldn't there be a confidence we can place in any given commitment any one of them make to us? Conversely, can any one of them count on us?
When our children hit the age where they were able to go out with friends, we spent a lot of time telling them to think before making a commitment. "Is this something you really want to do, or is it because there isn't a better offer? They were not allowed to change their minds because something better came along in the meantime. "A commitment is a commitment and your friends should be able to count on everything you say", we would say.
The same rule applied for sports. There was no quitting halfway through if they decided they didn't like it. We tried to get them to think about how they would feel if others bowed out, causing the team to fall short and having to forfeit.
I am sure we are not the only parents who did this. In fact, judging by the way that society used to do business; every parent did this.
Why then, as adults, do we throw this basic courtesy out the window perhaps it's because we have become selfish in our actions? Perhaps we make commitments because "there is nothing better to do".
Not too long ago, I actually caught myself doing this. A friend of mine invited me to the ballet class that was being held in the church gym. Art was out of town at the time, so I said, "sure, I have nothing better to do". A few days later, this came to mind and I realized how insensitive that was of me to say. As it turned out, I had a great time and I was looking forward to the next class. Still, it did not make what I did okay. "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no." This passage of Scripture rang loud and clear that night. We should never make half-hearted commitments no matter what. If our mind is saying I don't really want to, then this is what our lips should say as well.
It spares a lot of heartache later. Especially if we leave the other person/s hanging this tells them that they just aren't that important.
I'm writing this as a reminder to myself and hopefully to others who might do this without thinking how much they may be hurting someone.
Let our yes be yes and our no be no, it's a great motto to live by.
(C) Teresa Ortiz
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)This is such good advise and yet how often are we guilty of this transgression.What really struck me as I read this article is that (as good as it is) it took many words to bring across this message, yet in scripture it simply says, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no." I often find that in scripture, God says so much in so little words. Look how many words have been written and how many books published, just to try to explain and teach us God's Word. The Bible is an amazing book and we have an awesome God.Hi David, thanks. I did go back and read it several times, it is my usual routine and I deleted a few sentences that were reduntant. I hope it makes for a better read :-)This article was inspired by a friend who has been hurt several times recently by another friend has done this very thing several times lately.And yes, we have an awesome God! His word are simple, yet we complicate it with all of our what if's and what I like to call "situational obedience". Personal justifcation often requires many books which lists as many situations as possible so that no one is without excuse.It kind of reminds me of the 11/2 chapter long prayer of Solomon that is filled with, ...and if this" I can so relate to that prayer :-)
I know you know I had to deal with this resently and I wish people would keep their word. I know sometimes things happen that are out of our control and we have to change our plans but, we should honor our word when we can.I know, and it bothers me because its not like something of great importance came up.I have been known to honestly forget something, but have called and begged for forgiveness.Big hugs, we can't wait to see you again :-)
Well done. Also, let your yes be unconditional, as in not followed by 'it depends'. Great job here.Hi Michael, thanks for reading and especially appreciate your input. You are so right. There should be no "it depends" in the equation.Blessings to you! Teresa
Sound wisdom for the modern age!Hi Ken, I think we would all be better off if we put this up there with the "Golden Rule" :-)
"Yes" be yes and "No" be no. You are so correct. It has been proven again and again, that if you do not stand for something you will fall for anything. A Minister stated: "Man is so in between until he just gave his life up to the dogs."Thanks Teresa.Amen to that! Thanks for the comment. Blessings! Teresa
Hi Teresa.This is a great article and good advice. Thanks!Hugs,DianneHi Dianne, thanks, I wish I could say it was my idea :-)Many big hugs back to you! Teresa
hi t,i agree with this article, and followed the same rules with my kids.i have always been one to keep my word, and when my kids were small, i never wanted to lie to them, so when they asked if we could go to the park, as an example, and i knew i had laundry and cleaning and bills to do and may not feel like going to the park later, i would simply say, we'll see what happens, and explained to them that unforeseen things happen, and therefore, we would have to wait and see.say what you mean, and mean what you say.thanks for sharing,my best to you,sueHi Sue,I think you are an example of a great mom!! "Say what you mean mean what you say" another great way to put it.Thanks you for your friendship, (and I mean this)t
Teresa,Yeah, this is one to be careful with. I find that people in general don't follow through. The world's highways are full of people pulled over, part way to their destiny because they gave up and gave in. It's very hard to be a person of your word and to do the hard work necessary to commit to it, for the sake of others, but most importantly, for our own sake. If we don't follow through, people will find others who will. But if we don't follow through, in the long run we're really hurting ourselves more in the end.Hi Jeff,Thanks for reading. It is so true, in the end, we only hurt ourselves. We lose friendships, and we lose the most basic honor of being one who can be counted on.Blessings! Teresa
Good advice. Something to think about the next time and to remember it when we answer. And, for goodness sakes, lets leave off the maybe or I'll let you know.Hi there! Thanks for stopping by. I agree, the maybe and I'll let you know, gets old as well. Blessings to you! Teresa
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