Single Mothers - Damned if They Do, and Damned if They Don't, I Love You Mamacita Wosie!
Posted: Tuesday, May 05, 2009
by Teresa Ortiz
Freelance writer/Speaker
Coming up with a title for this piece was difficult to say the least. I thought of something sweet and mushy, but for my mom, this wouldn't do. Not that she isn't sweet and mushy, but knowing her, she would respond exactly like this:
Girlfriend, whatsa matta wit-chu – don't be callin' me no pile a mush, you want some mush, I'll show you some mush… after which, she would proceed to the litter box, running with her hands holding her bum with a look on her face that says she is worried about making it to potty on time.
When I look at my mom, I see a woman of strength, courage, and selflessness. Coupled with her ridiculous sense of humor, and fierce temper, she wears her name well – Rose – beautiful, fragrant, layered with soft petals. Tick her off, however, and you will remember that when you pick a Rose the wrong way, the thorns will prick – causing you to back off – and quick.
I'm guessing you have figured this Mother's Day Tribute is not your traditional tribute. As you have just experienced, my mom is anything but traditional – and this is what makes her amazingly contagious.
Rose A. Maya, AKA, Mamacita Wosie. AKA, Rosanne Rosanna Danna – Oh, how I love her so…
With three young children to raise, she found herself as many single moms do – between a rock and a hard spot. Does she stay home and let welfare take care of her and her children, or does she work, causing the kids to come home from school to an empty house.
Early on, we were too young to be home alone, so she opted for the welfare. I remember going with her to the welfare office to pick up the monthly payout of food stamps and a check. The room was filled with women and small children. Each time we went, my mom would say, "don't ever let this happen to you kids, do good in school and keep your nose clean." "Don't ever leave the house dirty or wear stained clothes, we might be poor, but as long as we have a roof over our head there is no excuse for being dirty." To this day, I hate the color yellow – to some it rings vibrant and cheerful. To me, it's the memory of stained clothes and dirty Mexican children. Sounds mean, I know, but it is the truth. This is another thing my mom taught us – speak your mind, don't let anyone walk all over you, or you will find yourself in places you don't want to be.
When we were a little bit older, 11, 9, and 7, she went to work. I could still hear her now, "I'll be damned if I am going to let you kids think it's okay to grow-up on welfare." So the day came when she made the difficult choice of letting her welfare go and getting a minimum waged job. This meant we had a bit of freedom. Some of you reading might be saying, "I can't believe she would do that to her children, I would never." Others might be thinking, I don't know what I would do, the cost is high – and here you have it. "Damned if they do and damned if they don't." Single moms do not have the luxury of good choice or bad choice. It's more of which do they see as the lesser evils. Her instructions came down to this; I love you kids, do your homework, and stay out of trouble. I can't be here to watch you, so the choice is yours. If you feel like going to jail, then be my guest, but I will be working to keep a roof over your heads and food in your stomach. Be safe.
I thank the good Lord we never got in trouble with the police, but I must confess, we did have some fun having all our friends over and eating all the food my mom worked so hard to buy. (Sigh.) But she never, ever complained. When she came home to a house full of kids, she joined the party! She would be her goofy self and have us laughing with her silly dancing. I don't ever remember her saying a word about the food and how we had to make it last, etc… Never did she say, "I work so hard"… and all those things I used to hear my friends' parents say.
I am glad my mom chose to go to work. She instilled in us the value of self-respect and hard work. I know of many adult children of the Welfare system who are still in it. They have children who are 16 – 19 and they do not have jobs. On the other hand, my sister, brother, and me all had jobs as soon as we were 16 years old and we contributed to the family finances.
I'm not trying to sugar-coat this story, rest assured, as a family, we paid our dues. Even still, I pay her great honor for doing so and if I would have found myself in this situation, I would have done it the same way.
By this time, we were accustomed to making our own rules, and bless her heart, she tried to find a way to parent us as teens even thought she wasn't at home after school when we were younger. Something we so graciously reminded her about every time she told us we could not do this or that. (Sigh.) Anyway, one of our many fights got ugly and she threw a radio my way. I jumped her and we were going at it; well, I was anyway. I was punching her, and she did her best to protect herself, never hitting me back. Something clicked and I stopped. We cried, we laughed, and then like the awesome mom she is, she looked at me and said, "Well, I feel better knowing that you are not afraid to stick up for yourself no matter who it is – now I won't worry so much." Amazing.
I owe my mom another big thanks – this is going to sound weird to some of you – she had sent us to live with my dad for awhile, and when we finally talked her into letting us move back home, she lived in the neighborhood where I would meet my future husband. My mom, true to form, had this house filled with older teenagers, ones she did not want us anywhere near – anyway, one of these teenagers was Art. She became his second mom and they had a great relationship by the time we came back to live with her. It seemed natural that Art and I would click – thanks mom!
I suppose I should quit rambling as I could keep going for pages. My point is my mom is the perfect blend of character and strength. She never made excuses for her bad choices in life – she blamed no one but herself and she taught us the value of being honest and accepting responsibility for our own actions. We had a lot of fun on our rocky, and many times, scary road to where we are today, and by the grace of God, we are in one piece and still breathing.
Hey Teresa your mom Rocks! She sounds like an amazing woman who gave her children everything that matters in life. This was a very nice tribute to her.Hi Brianna! Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliment for my mom :-)I am working my way through all of the mother's day articles. I will be getting to yours, I can't wait! I like your style, so glad you found your way to SW!Blessings to you! Teresa
What an awesome lady your "Wosie" is! Great story, Sister T, thank you.Thank you! When I grow up I want to be just like her :-)
As I remember your mom as a teenager myself you couldn't have paid a better tribute. I can remember she was always there when one of us needed her. I can think of another great friendship came from you moving to Walnut, US!!! She's a very wise woman, I guess she new better than us all. You are going to have her in tears when she reads it. To you and her, Happy Mother's Day with Love!Thank you Patti!! Oops! How can I forget to include you?? I guess my brain's energy is directed toward Art :-)Yes, you and Art (and Dean) are the best things that came out of Walnut - I am willing to bet it is the biggest reason God brought us there :-)Happy Mother's Day to you! See you soon! Love, Teresa
Great untraditional tribute to your Mamacita Wosie! Really enjoyed reading it. ~mogama~Hi Mogama, thanks for reading and the sweet comment! Blessings to you! Teresa
Happy Mother's Day to you and you mom Teresa! Beautiful story.Love, hugs and blessings,MichelleHi Michelle! Thank you - it helps when we have beautiful people to write about.
Hi Teresa.Well, this certainly made me cry. For the beauty of the writing and what it says about you and your mother. Thanks.Hugs,DianneHi Dianne, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry, but I am glad it touched you, it is a big piece of my heart.Blessings to you! Teresa
Your mother sounds like an amazing woman, and so full of wisdom. Would she have been a different person if she had had lots of money. Who knows? God is a God of wisdom and gives us what we need in life. It sounds like you didn't have much materially, but God gave you a strong mother, full of love and wisdom. That in itself is worth more than gold.Hi David, thank you for saying so. God was definitely with us/her. When she was married to my dad, and for many years after that, she was timid and quiet. Not a good combination in the rough neighborhoods we lived in. We were in some bad situations as a result. But God always gave us a way of escape in the nick of time. Through this she got stronger and wiser. You are right, we had little in the way of "stuff", but we learned to be creative and our bond as a family has always been unshakeable. It blows me away when I hear about family members who have not spoken to eachother for years over their fights. We have had some blowouts, but my mom told us, family is all we can ever count on - she is a strong believer in blood is thicker than water and it rubbed off on us.I would not have it any other way. Blessings to you! Teresa
Great article. Well done.What a title. I don't think she will complain about that if she has the sense of humour you talk about.PS great analogy with the rose.Hi Connor, thank you for reading. Funny you should mention the title in regards to how my mom would feel. Actually, she will laugh. The reason I chose this title is because it was one of her favorite sayings when we were growing up. Every once in a while to this day, it will slip out.She used it most when we would (sadly) throw stuff in her face just to try and guilt her into something. She is a great mom, but I am not so sure about how great a kid I was.Thanks for the kind words about the Rose analogy :-)
Teresa, Thank you for sharing. Rose, what a beautiful name your mother has. You are blessed. My mother's name is Magdalene, a wonderful mother, she raised eight children.Thanks for sharing and thank you for writing this article.Have a great day.Your fan,NenitaThank you so much! Your mom has a beautiful name as well.And a big thanks for the thoughts and prayers for Dean! Blessings to you!
My sweet chodeesa,a life as it was in past time, a life it all made what it is today, I wouldn't change any part I thank God he helped me along the way. I thank God for for he blessed me with three beautiful children, I thank God the closeness we will always have. Mom ( my mom always said, " stay close to your children teach them well, learn to teach them to accept the answer "no" "there may be times when you can't give the all they may want.""Learn to work and stay strong." Although times got really tough, I kept all of you close together. I am so lucky, too."Tesa" the things you wrote are all too true, you made me laugh, you made me cry, I love you, too. Oh, so sorry about the radio, but listen to the new tune it sings us songs, and the one I love the best, is "Always and Forever" may we stay close for always and forever.Thank you with all my heart for always being there when I needed someone to talk to. Mothers need to help , too.Thank you chodeesa, love you so much,Your mamacita, wosie
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