How to Spice up Your Marriage: Have an Affair
Posted: Sunday, March 29, 2009
by Teresa Ortiz
Freelance writer/Speaker
"I really wish I could be with you right now, I hate that I can only text you and talk with you on the phone. It's been way too long since we have seen each other." "I know, we will be together soon, I promise."
I confess – I am a married woman having an affair with a married man – my husband.
Okay, I admit, the title is a bit deceiving, but it did get your attention. Besides if you stick around and read the rest you will understand what I mean and perhaps be encouraged to spark a love affair of your own – with your spouse, of course.
Before we ended our phone call, I told my husband that I felt like we were having an affair. Knowing me well, he understood completely. He has been working out of state for the past 6 months and has only been home two times – three weeks each time. I steal away a few minutes at work to send him a text; I call at a time when no one is around so I can share my heart. It's been difficult and exciting at the same time.
Just the other day, he mentioned how nice it was to talk with me for hours on the phone and we remembered how much time we used to do that when we were dating. We realized how much we have allowed the TV to get in our way of staying up talking for hours. It's not like we were zombies on the couch all night. We had dinner together and always talked about our day, but as soon as our favorite show came on, conversation was over.
We had a strong marriage before he left, and despite his being away, we continue to grow stronger.
Last night I started thinking about all of the couples we have known over the years that have gotten divorced as a direct result of an affair. In women's groups, we talk about what the leading causes of affairs are. The number one reason was the thrill of something new and exciting. Those feelings of butterflies and let's face it, lust. The real issue, however, is what leads up to the affair. Again, the answer is something new and exciting.
My husband pointed out once, that he was surprised about how nice some of these women look after divorce. When they were married, they never worried much about how they looked – no nice clothing, no make-up and hair in a twisty-bun – all the time. In talking with some of these same women the response was, they were comfortable in their marriage and didn't feel the need to look nice for their husbands. Not that we can't be comfy in our own home, heaven knows, I have my days of twisty-buns, sweats, and green gobley-gook all over my face, but never -- how sad is that?
Without thinking, I said man, seems like the best way to keep a marriage alive is to have an affair with your spouse. So, all this rambling to say – if you are in a slump, take the first step, don't wait for your spouse. Take him/her by surprise and begin a love affair.
Here are a few ideas that have worked in our relationship over the years.
1) Write a love letter
2) Set up a surprise date
3) Hide mushy cards in their car
4) Send flowers when you haven't been fighting
5) Send text messages to their phone
6) Play cards
7) Go for long walks
8) Do whatever it was you did that got them interested in you in the first place
9) Start your day by telling them why you love them
10) Put on some romantic music, dance in the kitchen – and dare I say – lust after your spouse.
Like I said in the beginning, I am having an affair; and I am loving every minute of it. Give it a try, it will do your marriage some good.
Wow! Teresa,You scared me. The moment I read the title, I jumped and thought This can't be Teresa, she must be quoting somebody's statements. So I started to read holding my breath. and ofcourse, it is a very intersting and wonderful article so very important.I want to share something too. My husband and myself we work together in the same place and are rarely out of sight. We go to work together and return home together, yet I know that work load, stress and lots of activities can make us strangers too in the same house. Often we forget to spend time together because we think we are working together. So having an affair with the spouse is a very good idea. Sometimes I chat with him through the internest while we are in the same building. Hahhaahah.And I will take the tips too. First I will try to dress up more attractively for him. LOL. I am very bad in that area, but I also "know" that a well dressed and smart wife makes the husband happy. I think my husband will be very happy. hahahaha. I always fail in that resolution each year.But Teresa, very nice article and though it brought a smile to my face but it is true that many marriages can fail if it not taken care off.It is a serious problem in todays world.One has to tend the fire in order to keep the fire burning. Repeating the Marriage vows are also so very important.Thank you for this. and God bless you dear sisiter,SwapnaHi Swapna - hee, hee - sorry to scare you :-) Aren't you so glad you could relax and breathe after a few sentences.You make a good point about how easily you can take eachother for granted when you work together. I guess we can deceive ourselves because we are together all day, but that does not mean we are romancing eachother in the process.There was a time when Art and I were not doing well at all. Life was in the way and we almost went our separate ways, but God was gracious and we heeded the word to stay together. It took a lot of work and awkward moments to start "dating" again, but it was the best thing and made us stronger than ever before! Now we are here, 24 years later and feel like we are just beginning to know what love and passion in a marriage is and we are looking forward (and praying) to and for a good long future together.Lord bless you! Remember to paint the barn!! :-)Love, Teresa
Good article and great title! Lets just say that I definitely took some mental notes.... :)Hi Anon! Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. I think most of us do this in the beginning, but then kids come along or life gets rough and it slowly fades away. If I should be blessed to live to be married 50 or 60 years, I want to have a lively marriage.Blessings to you! Teresa
Teresa,I read the title and I was like, "WHAT!!" is she crazy. Then I remembered that this was coming from you. As like you, I have had to deal with my husband working out of town. We did and still do many of these things. After 22 years I still love the same man with all my heart. Thanks for the article.HA! Funny you should say that. I actually heard you say, "Is she out of her mind", in my head :-)I think you are incredibly blessed - I would love for all four of us to be those old couples that travel together and sit around playing bunko- or something :-)Thanks for the comment and sharing how these things work for you too!
Wonderful article and great message. I always enjoy your writings because they are always written with love and great encouragement.God Bless and Keep You,Linda dHi Linda! Thanks for the kind words. We do need to tend to our marriages. Lord bless you bunches :-)
Your article certainly caught my eye. Great ideas for rekindling the romance! I have another suggestion to add. Take a trip to Cuba! My husband of 24 years and I just returned. It was wonderful!Hi Brianna, welcome to searchwarp! It's nice to meet you. Thanks for reading and adding your suggestion. Sounds like a great plan to me :-)Thanks for joining my fan club. I look forward to reading all that you might post.Blessings to you! Teresa
Great reminder. Thanks Teresa.Hi Anon. You are welcome :-) Blessings to you! Teresa
I got quite a fright when I read the title. Though the second paragraph sorted that. Great article. Well done.Hi Connor, I knew it would frighten some of my readers, so I came clean early on. I was tempted to wait until the end, but then I thought that wouldn't be very nice of me :-)Thanks for reading, I appreciate your input.Blessings,Teresa
Great article! Sounds like a great teaching for a "Women's Retreat" to me.DeborahHi Deborah, how are you? Thanks for reading. I did a retreat on this subject 2 years ago. It is a great topic among women. I hope for another opportunity for another retreat.Lord bless you! Teresa
Great article! Very fun, too.Your ideas do work, and my husband and I have practiced them for the 23 years of our marriage. It also helps children to hear their mom say how much she misses their dad when he's away from home!VictoriaHi Victoria, thanks for coming back to read another article :-)Thanks especially for sharing your testimomy to the fact that these things work. You are right, it is a good example to the children as well. Blessings to you! Teresa
Ahhh, we dance in the kitchen too.... soon and very soon, don't leg go of all these great "secrets" when you move to CA soon!! Marijodancing in the kitchen is another wonderful thing to do, thanks for adding it to the list! No letting go, we will add some more :-)
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