Teenage Driving: If Your Teenager Doesn't Want to Drive, Don't Push It
Posted: Friday, March 20, 2009
by Teresa Ortiz
Freelance writer/Speaker
My son is 18 years old and is finally a licensed driver. When he was 14, he would drive us crazy (daily) saying, "I can't wait until I am 15 so I can get my permit". Then 15 came--and it went--and so on.
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Evening came and they were ready to go. The girls looked so cute all decked out in school colors with paint on their faces, a ton of purple and gold beads dangling from their necks, and most importantly, according to my daughter, were the purple suede boots with yellow shoe strings she recently purchased.
"Be careful girls!" ...and they were off…. "Hey Mom, can you come as fast as you can?" Her voice was panicked and shaking. "Where are you?" She was just up the hill from our house. She assured me she was okay. I hung up the phone and yelled for my husband and son. My son sensed the fear in my voice and expected me to say it--Britt was in an accident. What he didn't expect me to say was that the car slid, hit the ditch, flipped upside down, and slide some more. My son did not want to go to the scene with us. His only concern was that she was talking. He ran to his room and we left. Driving up the hill was torturous; every turn was met with anticipation. Then I saw the flashing lights of the fire trucks. Both of the girls were out of the car by the time we arrived. Nevertheless, to see the car upside down with the hood smashed in and the windshield completely shattered, was more than I could take. I had to take a deep breath and pray I wouldn't faint.
According to my daughter, her friend lost control coming down the hill. She panicked and cranked the wheel the opposite way, causing the car to hit the ditch. Next thing she knew she was upside down and being choked by the seat belt. Her friend's seat belt unbuckled with ease and she began to scream. Then she calmed herself and remembered she had a pocketknife in her purse so she was able to cut through the seatbelt, releasing the hold it had Britt.
It was a miracle the girls survived--even more of a miracle was that her friend walked away with nothing more than a few cuts on her hand due to the shattered glass. Britt's only injury was a big bruise down her chest from the seat belt. Then I remembered the vision and the whisper. My son was 15 when this happened.
Five months prior to this incident, Britt lost three friends to an accident, which was similar in fashion. Unfortunately, these boys were going 80 miles an hour on a road with a lot of up's and down's in it. The car flipped several times and the boys were not wearing seatbelts. The driver was the only survivor. In a small town, everyone is affected.
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On his 16th birthday, my son still did not show any interest in getting his permit. His friends were pressuring him and by the time the summer between 10th and 11th grade came, my husband and me began to pester him as well. This went on for a few months before we were smacked in the forehead with the realization that he was just not ready.
Was it peer pressure for parties and speeding through the back roads with his buddies? Was it the death of the three boys or his sister's accident? Perhaps it was all of the above.
We knew it wasn't laziness. He had a job and was spending a lot of time with his riding buddies. During this same time, he met with some serious decisions; which crowd was he going to follow? Many of the kids his age were lying to their parents about where they were going and who was doing the driving. "There's a lot of temptation at school", he would say. He caved a time or two, but ultimately chose the right path.
We decided to let it go and we trusted that he had his reasons. We were happy to cart him and his girlfriend to the movies or wherever. We were happy to be the ones to drop him off at the football games and we were glad to pick him up when he called as soon as the game was over.
He is now a senior and has had his license for one month; he is a happy kid--young man, actually. Just yesterday, we were driving home from his appointment with the surgeon. Next to us was a car marked "Student Driver" on every side. My son looked over and saw that a kid was driving. I was surprised by what he said. "You know mom, I know I'm still a kid, but 15 is way too young to be driving." "It really is", I said. "Yeah, you change a lot from 15 to 18", he adds. Waiting until 18 does not guarantee there won't be any accidents, but it sure cuts down on the amount of immature decisions.
Looking back, we are so glad he waited and if we could do it over again, we would encourage our daughter to wait as well. She wasn't the driver the night of her accident, but she certainly was at other times and it could have just as easily been her.
It might be a little inconvenient to drive our teenagers to and from work, to sporting events, and even on dates. Nevertheless, it is well worth it.
As parents, we fall into the trap of fast-paced parenting. Children grow up fast enough all by themselves. They do not need our help.
So if your teenager doesn't want to drive, don't push it.
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I can still hear my daughter saying, "I can't believe I didn't even get to show off my new purple boots!"
© Teresa Ortiz 2009
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)In the US you can drive at 15, over in the UK you need to be 17. Anyway, great article.Thanks Connor, I think that is a wise thing. Many states are trying to make change the laws here, but too many fight it.
Spooky stuffHI Eleanor, yes, it can be spooky stuff. Always, always be careful driving.Blessings! Teresa
I took drivers ed when I was 16. It was not offered in school for my kids and I WAS GLAD! I can only imagine your fear driving towards the scene of your daughters accident.You have done a good job raising your kiddos. They seem to have wisdom beyond their years.Great article.Hi Ken, I had drivers ed in school as well. Our town is too small and they do not offer it at school. My daughter got her license just after she turned 16. She had one minor fender bender before this accident. The hill behind our house is infamous. It is the same hill I had to drive up when I got the call that my son had crashed on his dirtbike flying down a 30ft drop. I wrote about that one a while back.It's not easy raising kids. We dedicated them to the Lord when they were infants and we have been praying and pleading God on their behalf ever since. I actually started praying for my kids before I had them. I have been praying for their spouses and children since the day they were born. Prayer is powerful and I know it has made a huge difference in the lives of our kids. They are far from perfect, but I know we are blessed with good kids. If you haven't start praying for your children's spouse and your grandchildren, start now! It makes a difference and its scriptural to pray blessings and protection over future generations.God bless! Teresa
This article hit home for me and hubs. There was a dark night when our daughter dared to get in a car with a drunk driver. She survived the accident with little more than a couple bad bruises. Some of the other passengers were not so lucky, though no life was lost, several lives were changed forever.She learned her lesson the hard way, and it never happened again, but I still shudder at the thought of seeing her beautiful blonde hair hanging in a clump from the rim of the sunroof on that car, we came just that close to a funeral.I'm thankful she survived, and I'm thankful for your daughters albiet narrow escape as well, and your sons good judgement in regard to his own limitations.Thanks for this article, I always enjoy seeing what you have to say.HI Nila, Thanks for reading and sharing your story here, perhaps a youngster will read and take heed. I am thankful your daughter came through well and that no lives were lost. That other lives were changed forever is probably an understatement. When we are young we never think "it can happen to me", but it can be and is. As the case with the three boys. The 4th boy, has to live with this. His live has been changed forever. Part of his probation is that he has to go to high schools everyone 2 -3 times a week to talk about the dangers and consequences of speeding. I can't imagine the pain of living that over and over. Lord bless his soul. All four of these boys were best friends and had known eachother since kindergarden. The driver, was in the same youth group as my daughter.I try to make it a point to pray for all these young kids who are driving and as you pointed out with your daughter, I need to be praying for teems to be strong enough to turn away from getting in the car with someone who has been drinking.God bless! Teresa
Wow Teresa, this was some article/story. They do grow up fast don't they, and I am glad that you let your son decide when he was ready, sounds like a smart young man you raised there. I applaude your dedication to transporting him everywhere to where ever he wanted to go, that shows genuine love of a parent....I applaude your consistant and consistant trust of your children. You, and your hubby are to be commended, as well as your kids for being who you are. I always say, its in the upbringing...and you did a wonderful job. Great article, great read, and perhaps it will help someone out there that is going through this very same thing.....Well done.... Your friend in pen, and a fan........GaryHi Gary, trust me, there were plenty of times I said that I wished he had his license. Especially when I was tired and had to pick him up at midnight. My hubby and I would take turns. I know some moms or dads don't have the extra hand and it can get tough without one. Now he is so excited to get back to work. The doctor released him to go back to work on April 13th. He has to start saving his pennies so that he has start up money the school is requiring he have in August. This is the next big concern of his life. We are praying all the loans come through so he will be able to go to Phoenix.Thanks for all your support and encouraging words! Lord bless you. Your friend in pen, Teresa
Teresa,Oh my goodness! I think your prayer helped keep them alive. I always offer a special prayer when my son is driving long distances.What a mature young man your son is. You and your husband have done a wonderful job, there is no doubt. Isn't it a shame that more kids do not understand and appreciate the dangers of driving at the age of 15? Or 16? Isn't it even sadder that the state governing bodies don't see it as well?Thank you for sharing this one with us and Blessings to you and yours.Beautifully said,NancyHi Nancy, thanks for reading. I agree, and I believe it was the Spirit that gave me that vision and prompted me to pray. It has happened before, regarding my husband. I had a sudden fear that he was going to die, and I prayed, :Lord, whatever is happening, protect him, shield him, I am not ready to lose him" I knew that he was on his way home from work at the time this need to pray came over me. When I got home, he told me he came close to a head on collision; a woman was coming toward him in his lane. he was able to far enough over, and she saw him and swerved in the nick of time, unfortuantely, she hit the car behind him, but at a much slower speed and on the side. I was sorry for the person behind him, but that driver was blessed as well, because it was not a major accident, but more of an inconvenience. You could still hear the nervousness. God is gracious!We haven't had the opportunity to vote on changing the law in oregon, but if we ever do, I would certainly vote to up the driving age. It's interesting because Justin said that there were a handful of other kids in his grade that were in no hurry to drive. I bet they backed off for some of the same reasons J did.Have a blessed week!Teresa
hi t,i am thankful your daughter and her friend were okay.between my 3 kids, i have received 5 of those calls. my 18 year old was rear ended a couple of months ago. he wasn't even moving! thankfully, he and his friend were also okay, but the car was totaled. i definitely still think the kids should at least be 17 to drive with a permit, 18 to drive.thanks for sharing this story,my best regards,sueHi Sue, five calls, yikes! Thankfully each turned out good! I agree, 17 , then 18.Have a wonderful week!t
A great article once again. I donot have kids but I do agree with you.regards,SwapnaHi Swapna, thank you for reading. It is a serious subject. God bless you!
Good article...I just came to know that you're not my fan. I saw in your fan list. You're a fan of my wife who came only 1/2 weeks ago. That's bad...lolAnyway God bless you...read my recent article and give feedback...Its important...Hi Chiradeep, thanks for reading and commenting. I will read your latest. God bless you!
Wow! And he races bikes. It is cool that he recognizes the power of a car or truck. I know you are proud of the very adult decision he made to wait til he was ready. Good article, Teresa. Thanks for writing it.Hi Lorrie, I know, go figure. It made his drving so easy once he started. He was not nervous, he was accustomed to judgement and reading other ridrs, so it helped him on the roads in the car. Not to say he is experienced, but it did help him.Thanks for the comment :-)
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